It's funny.Not in a 'ha ha' kind of funny, not even an ironic sort of funny. Maybe it's not funny at all. It just seems to me like...I make a mess, because I am a mess. A great big awful mess. I don't have much real world esperience, regardless of my major I'm terrified of where I'm going, yet I'm stuck. I see people continue and move, leaving a community college is what you're supposed to do, after all. But it doesn't feel like I'll ever really get there. I get all these ideas and I get momentarily inspired...but utterly lack the ability to move on any of it. To move on anything at all. I'm afraid I'm falling for someone, but if I am I'm doing it alone. I talked about it and there went the floodgates. But I don't want to pine, and I don't want to fall, and I'll never make the first move. I only do that to get rejected. And if I told him...too many things would get shattered.
I'm not sure if I'm too afraid, or just too proud.
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I think everyone goes through something like this. It's such an interesting feeling. I imagine what I will tell my children years and years from now. I like to think that they will hear tales of my adventures and risks(successful or not), not of my completely uneventful but content life.
ReplyDeleteThats probably why I do the things I do. So when people tell the tale of Rafi, it's one that they wish to emulate
for you, its probably pride. Or perhaps over rationalization. You are smart enough that you could figure out a way to ask if they are interested with out making it a ultimatum. Chances are, your fear of failure stops you from a faster "progression in life" as well. I think that progressing is similiar to alot of things in life, nerve racking but with practice its actually pretty easy.