Fifteenth

Tonight I was hugely impacted. There is this play, Love Person. I saw it and I was astounded. It changed me. It proved things to me. I'm different now.

The play was in four different forms of communication. English, ASL [American Sign Language], Sanskrit, and through emails. It took a look at how we communicate, how communication works, and how we connect through it. Not to mention just looking at languages and stuff.

And I just don't want to speak anymore. There's a part in the play where two of the characters are signing, and the hearing one gets upset and starts speaking English while she signs, and it throws her off and kinda screws her up. The deaf woman gets upset with her for doing so, and tells her 'You can't speak two languages at once'. And she's absolutely right. And then suddenly, my heart hurts that I haven't broken into the deaf community yet. That I don't really have anyone to share this language and world with, though it's almost entirely my fault.

ASL is such a beautiful thing, such a beautiful language, such a beautiful world. It trims away all the useless nonsense that English uses. You get to the point. You say what you need to. You're concise, and at the same time you explain things almost, if not better than you would in English. It is expressive, and it says everything without actually saying a word.

Things just don't occur to the hearing world. So much just doesn't. I get so angry that little things aren't done to make life just a little easier for the Deaf. Why can't we teacher the alphabet to our kids, or teach them to count in ASL numbers? What is so difficult about that? Baby sign language is exploding lately, and that's fantastic. Kids gain their motor skills far before their verbal ones. But...I don't know. I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

I can't get the words out. English feels so cluttered, so much, so ugly. Like it's meaning gets lost in all the extra. In all the detail, in all the small words, in all the length. I can't manifest what I want to. I'm over speaking. And I just can't find my words in the order they're 'supposed' to be in.

So screw it.